Watching Island Python is a traumatic assault on the senses that feels less like entertainment and more like being held hostage by a malfunctioning algorithm programmed to induce despair—a catastrophic failure so absolute that it makes the average smartphone video uploaded by a toddler look like Scorsese by comparison. The acting exists on a KTV scale of 1, where "1" represents the moaning of someone dying of alcohol poisoning in a private karaoke booth at 4 AM, and these "performers" somehow fall below even that basement-floor standard. The actresses appear to have been selected via a…